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Born Into Addiction

by Eric Dwight

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    Live takes of "Born Into Addiction" (just the song - not the entire album) recorded directly to vinyl - no mixing, overdubs, or mastering - just the raw recording. Each one is individual. Cool stuff!

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  • Full Digital Discography

    5
    releases

    Get all 5 Eric Dwight releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Evermore is Not Forever, Paul's Song, Fade Away, Born Into Addiction, and The Final Cost. , and , .

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1.
Grief Is Doing Time 04:09
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I waited for the moment when I knew he would be OK Twenty-five years of waiting but it never came I waited for a sign that I would somehow get him back again Instead I got a phone call and I was never the same Grief is doing time A punishment without a crime He made his mistakes And then he was gone Grief is doing time A grape just dying on the vine I need to escape But I can’t move on I was painless for a moment as it tore straight through my brain I was numbed by the words I heard like it was Novocain But the length of the postponement only added heaviness to the strain And after just a couple months I nearly went insane Grief is doing time A wall of tears I’m trapped behind Can’t quit the ache and carry on Grief is doing time A desolation so sublime Was it all a mistake To have loved so strong? Grief is doing time Always running from behind I can’t catch a break And it lasts so long Grief is doing time I asked God’s help but he declined If he could just keep me safe Until the dawn
2.
Born Into Addiction 05:15
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Storm clouds in the distance They never move any further away I’m always keeping an eye at which way that they fly Every moment every day What do we do with people like you? So kind and caring, so selfish and mean You’re a demon when you’re using And a saint when you are clean Chaos and Confusion Surround every single choice that you make Too fucking high to even to notice You never give you always just take ‘Cause I was born into addiction A family’s curse that didn’t choose me But it chose almost everyone I loved To lose someone was a guarantee And to sing like this so callously Will never bring him back to me And all the good and bad things that he did It’s not for me to judge, you see Older than me Will you notice me please Will you always watch out for me? A walking hero in blue Can I be just like you? You saved a life at just seventeen We just wanted to rest On our road trip out west Driving Mom and Dad so crazy Your strength I’ll never forget 100 pushups a set I would ride on your back carefree I would hold you so tight Cling with all of my might Feel your muscles just rippling But your burdens were strong And as you stumbled along Everything started crumbling Can he feel the anger deep in me? Can he feel how it tears me apart? If he were here so I could talk to him Well let me tell you this would just be the start Because a life that could have been lived in grace Well it was lost like a drop in the sea And the peace he’d always tried to find Well it found him but it hasn’t found me ‘Cause I was born into addiction A family’s curse that didn’t choose me But it chose almost everyone I loved To lose someone was a guarantee And sing like this so callously Will never bring him back you see And all the good and bad things that he did Is for God to judge, not me
3.
Baby, These Are Dark Days 04:56
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Baby, these are dark days But you can’t help me see through the haze Try as though that you may The weight of his life still hangs over me I’m sorry he’s eclipsed The love of my life who now misses me so And it has come to this I’m too wounded to feel your kiss anymore Baby, these are dark days I’m crazy and I’m ashamed of myself Your waiting for me to finally say That I’ve cast him away like a stone to the ocean Is it him or you or me Who’ll win the war for what’s left of me? All I can say is sorry That I’ve let you down and you’re so lonely It’s not fair that I fell so far Hooked my life to a dying star Devotion only goes so far Now it’s coming back to haunt us both You were there for the worst of it You always knew he was full of shit Pity me ‘cause I fell for it Now it’s coming back to haunt us both again Baby, these are dark days I’ve left you while you still love me so Maybe things will all change Maybe in time I will learn to let him go I’m not what I should be I know it’s hard to see me like this Please don’t give up on me ‘Cause he’s the one to blame and I think you agree
4.
She Stood Her Ground Today 06:24
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It’s been a long and trying day But she made it home OK And she walks in through the door her plan in place She made up her mind at ten But it’s changed twelve times since then She takes a breath and calls to meet him face-to-face It goes down, down, down Down, down, down Does she really have to stay? It goes down, down, down She can’t watch him drown She stood her ground today Well it did go so well His opioids made him angry as hell And he fumed and foamed and raged around the kitchen So she left him there alone And in her car she began to atone For all the time she had put into his addiction She was down, down, down Down, down, down Why’d she have to stay? She was down, down, down Cast around But she stood her ground that day Through the course of the next year She couldn’t seem to quit the fear A war engaged the battle raged for everything at stake All the nights she was alone While her kids faced the unknown Their father trapped inside a soul about to break He went down, down, down Down, down, down You can’t have it both ways He went down, down, down Run aground Was it choice or was it fate? Through all the pain and the heartache Only one of them would break A bitter night and all alone he met his fate But she had made it through alive And came out of the other side Time revealed her scars would heal and ease the weight She aint down, down, down She fought hard and she didn’t drown She never quit, no way She’s aint down, down, down She lives unbound She stands her ground each day
5.
Time Out 05:51
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Heading out to a friend’s to leave the mourning behind Hoping that he can change my state of mind Why can’t I make amends? Move myself forward in time? Stop this everyday feeling of flying blind… A little company Is what I really need A chance to not be alone So where do I begin? You know he did me in Addiction turned his heart into stone The pain he always hid But not the things he did We lived through endless days of unknown The games he played with me His lies I could not see And back into the streets he would roam So when I stand before my maker And I look him in the eye He’ll ask me if I could have done more But I’ll choke on my reply Thank you for being a friend Thank you for taking the time You’re one of the reasons I can hold the line I was hanging on by a thread Now I can feel myself unwind You gave me just a little comfort by being kind I know you really care The pain is always there He just won’t ever leave me alone It’s everything he said It’s deep within my head It’s in the base of all of my bones A time out I would take Or just a fucking break From my daily confessional His heart could never mend This nightmare has to end A dead man cannot ever atone So when I stand before my maker And I look him in the eye I’ll ask if I could have done more Or was he always doomed to die? Never have to play your games no more Never gonna cause me pain no more Never gonna be the same no more Never got to share the pain inside Never have watch our parents cry Never got a chance to say goodbye It doesn’t seem to even matter anymore I’ve been ripped and I’ve been shattered to the core Now I feel even sadder than before Never gonna hear your voice again Never be there for my heart to mend Never gonna have my best friend
6.
What Now? 07:15
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Six years on and I woke up today Everything’s changed but I stayed the same Grief was a time machine where I hid from life Oh mystical mourning won’t you warm me up with your light But what now? What now? What now? What now? Out of the darkness and into the fire Time gave me hope and a just a little desire No promises broken; no bridges were burned If I finally feel my heart beat then this is what I have earned But what now? What now? What now? What now? What do I do as I move on from here? From all of the pain and all of the fear? What do I do as I live for myself? Now that your placed on the back of the shelf? Waiting… Is that a beating heart that pumps in me? A power circulating Is it safe to lift me eyes to see? I never ran away from it But I conquered shit I just laid down to take the beating But I endured it all And I can still recall Every minute of my soul bleeding But now he is gone And I’m still here And I’m no longer on my knees just pleading And I have no doubt That he loved me throughout And now his ghost will finally be leaving… Thunder rumbles across the plains and out into the sea The storm is fading but its rain stays soaked into me This song is almost over - I’m close to where I should be One more chorus to sing then I think I’ll finally be free So, what now? What now? What now? What now?
7.
A Poor Choice 04:45
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Friends are like bad movies They seem to come and go But when you find a friend worth keeping Something in you knows Like a little sister We watched each other grow How could I ever missed that I should have stayed away from her Stayed away It’s a poor choice in the long run I’m smart enough to know better It’s a poor choice now that it’s done It’s just enough to regret her It’s a poor choice but damn was it fun If I had only not met her It’s a poor choice I made an end run Now I just have to forget her I’m just a little bitter After all that we went through Opinions of it differ Depends upon your point of view It would be easy to rip her But instead I’ll say fuck you ‘cause The biggest snake in the grass is easy to stay away from Stay Away Was it chance or by design? Did plot out all your time with me time with me time with me A perfect murder from behind You just laid in wait for me, laid in wait
8.
Mailbox Messiah 03:25
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Late Saturday evening I walked down to the road I saw a man who was kneeling On the lawn that I mowed And he looked at me plainly Like he knew there was something wrong As he rose he said, “Don’t you worry” And he burst into this song He said, “Hi, my name is Jesus Have you heard of me before? I was here about 2000 years ago For you a crown of thorns I wore Yes, I think you know why I have returned Don’t you try to act so surprised It can’t really be a shock for me to say then You’ve been screwing up all this time” “I don’t like guns I don’t like greed I was never selfish to the people in need I never did drugs And I worked all day And I’d never be a member of the NRA I loved all people whether friend or foe I was a good man to this I know I gave my life just to save your soul Now the world you made is a toilet bowl” Quite concerned I said to Jesus “Where you gonna head to now?” So he pulled out a yellow bus pass He said, “I think I’ll head downtown” As he walked away he turned his face to me Then he spoke and said, “There’s something wrong Don’t forget the words I sang to you, boy” And once again he began to sing his song He sang… “I don’t like guns I don’t like greed I was never selfish to the people in need I never did drugs And I worked all day And I’d never be a member of the NRA I loved all people whether friend or foe I was a good man to this I know I gave my life just to save your soul Now the world you made is a toilet bowl”
9.
Do You Know What You Mean to Me? 03:57
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Do you know what you mean to me? ‘Cause I want you to know it ‘Cause I need you to know that it’s real I don’t want this to be A dull confession filled with hyperbole It’s just a simple message so you believe how I feel Do you know what you mean to me? ‘Cause you’re driving me crazy And my head’s getting hazy From banging it Against the wall of your heart You hate to talk but it’s not too late to start Reaching you pulls my patience apart I don’t care Could you start to try To open up just a little inside? The space between us is the worst place to hide Away from me Communication is key It’s melodrama to the third degree You think it’s crap but it’s worked for me It’s what we need Do you know what you mean to me? It’s not that complicated A reason to be celebrated Instead of feared You know you’re gonna to give in Confess to me how your day has been And we can get back to what’s normal again To what’s not weird Do you know what you mean to me? Your brain aint that constipated I’m flustered and I’m frustrated can’t you see? If I push you’ll withdraw Is it me or is it you with this flaw? It’s just my ass on this fucking see-saw Where are you? Would you please just reveal A simple thought ‘cause I’m not trying to steal Your childhood or what else you conceal So fiercely I think you know I’m sincere I understand everything that you fear The entire point of what we have here Is to be friends
10.
Money, Please... 04:50
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Tell me one way that you love me today And I’ll give you some cash you can take on your way I’ll do anything so you’ll notice me here I’ll buy you a car or a 12 pack of beer I’m waiting for all of your coolness to fade Perhaps we could talk or make bread that’s homemade? I’ll wait and I’ll hope and I’ll beg and implore You’ll say something nice before I’m 64 Instead of sayin’ Can I have Let me have Money Please Can I have Let me have Money Please A darkness descended on both you and me It happened the day after you turned thirteen I stand alone in the yard but I don’t hear a sound Your old soccer ball sits without air on the ground Is just a little attention too much from you now? You took the teenager pledge and you’ve kept every vow You know I gave you my life now I’m crap in the dirt All I have left is your old preschool shirt And all you ever say is Can I have Let me have Money Please Can I have Let me have Money Please Your sister seems to think I am worth more Than a wallet, a curfew, permission, and a set of car keys But how much longer will it be good for? Until she sets me afloat on the breeze… I’m sorry for all of my neediness now The earth underneath me has shifted somehow Letting you go was the goal all along We all do what we do to find where we belong It’s never too late to know what you have here I know in your head that it’s not really clear The change was so swift and it’s spinning my head But I got your back kid at least ‘till I’m dead But you’ll still be sayin’ Can I have Let me have Money Please Can I have Let me have Money Please
11.
Oh, Lana 03:10
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Oh, Lana please inspire me To write a song as good as Blue Jeans… Can I lift a bit of your alt/pop? Your songs depress me but I Iisten nonstop ‘Cause Norman Rockwell doesn’t know what he’s got But I can never Fuck My Way to the Top, oh no… I got no shot Oh Florence won’t you guide me? Please guide me? Will you please guide me? To sing my songs for all the world to see all the love in me, teach it all to me I learned from you about the Hunger in Me It’s good and bad I think we both can agree You’ve Got the Love girl and you give it with glee But Shake it Out made me a devotee of you Helped get me through Side 1 Hey Lizzo I got a question for you: Baby how you feelin’? Baby how you feelin’? Those Boys can be so hard to work through They’re always wheeling and dealing, so unappealing But The Truth Hurts when you tell them to screw They’re the ones who’ll be grieving While you’ll be healing ‘Scuse Me Lizzo ‘Cause I Love You You’re music’s got me believin’ Oh Adele will you watch out for me? Aretha’s twin from Generation Z all rest of them are just wannabes Confident with steely eyes of blue Can all my friends turn into Someone Like You? Chasing Pavements means what? I have no clue… But maybe someday I’ll get the chance to say Hello to you If you’re passing through...
12.
You Love the Right Way 07:54
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I’m waking up to a bright sun I think it’s just about midday And your lying beside me For a love song this is so damn cliché But I don’t care at the moment ‘Cause every feeling that’s honest is OK I wrap me my arms around you And this is all I have to say You love the right way baby You love the right way You love the right way darling You love the right away For maybe just a few moments All our troubles just fade away You love the right way baby You loved the right way Outside the world could be burning But here with you I’m feeling quite OK A refuge from the world turning A splash of color in a sky that seems so gray When is life ever easy? Well not enough but it’s right here on display Forgive me if this sounds cheesy ‘Cause once again I just have to say Back where we started I feel that way again This time life won’t drag us down This time luck will hang around Everything’s fleeting but some moments never should end This time we won’t let it go This time we’ll be smart to know This is what I mean to show to you
13.
Lovely 05:01
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When I awoke yesterday To the prettiest sight to see The way she looked at me It was the moment that completed me And she smelled so soft And her eyes were so warm Her hair alive, so alive… The attraction of all that I see Completely Well, my heart beat seemed to skip a beat When the thief stole the words from my tongue And the sweat seemed to pour and it fogged my eyes Emotion that’s trapped in the sands of time When she’s here with me It don’t really matter The world just falls asleep And she knows me Our hearts beat in time We’re never looking back Beautiful words don’t mean anything Only feelings can say You’re my lover that keeps me in line You’re my angel who sleeps to my rhymes You’re my friend who is always so sublime So from here to the end of time… You’ll be my lovely You’ll be my lovely You’ll be my lovely You’ll be my lovely

about

Everyone has a sad story to tell. Is mine different? Not these days because everyone is dying from opioids and substance abuse.

My brother fell victim in 2014 but I didn't write a note about it until last year. It was the final piece of the healing timeline for me, For what it's worth to a casual Bandcamp user I can say that music helped me finally move on... That's worth something.

Side one chronicles what many people experience after a huge lose - a descent into deep, raw, grief. With an addiction death there's other layers to unpack... like guilt, anger, confusion, and "what if I had only?". If you've been there I'm hoping this will hit home, and if you haven't you might still understand better.

Side two embraces the light at the end of the grief tunnel. There's songs about joy, fun, Jesus, Lana Del Rey, and a few old-school rock ballads. Life came back to me (thank God) and I wanted to express that positivity.

So ,please enjoy the melodies, harmonies, piano, guitar, mandolin, and exactly one tuba solo. Then please visit my website for more history of this album. :)

www.ericdwight.com

credits

released May 14, 2021

All songs written by Eric Dwight Kneipfer except Mailbox Messiah and Lovely (Eric Callaghan/ Eric Dwight Kneipfer)

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Eric Dwight Boston, Massachusetts

Grief brought me back to music..

Six years after the death of my brother I started writing again. This album came out of that.

I think I tapped into something, but I guess it's not up to me to decide that claim. I hope people connect with both the raw grief I express and the recovery from that grief. ... more

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